Core Value #2 Surrender
Wow! Life sure has a way of throwing some curve balls! Very recently I have been met with some giant life changes that are reminding me how important surrender is.
You might feel that surrendering is a negative thing; a weakness. But actually it is fundamental part of finding new freedom.
Surrender is letting go, it is opening, it is embracing the scary unknown of change, it is trusting, it is releasing the tight grip that keeps us from being able to move forward. It is allowing the feminine to work her magic.
In our culture we have a tendency to work/play/make love/create from a forcing place. We have been taught that in order to get what we want and need, we have to make it happen.
In my experience it actually creates the opposite experience. It actually keeps us from what we so badly desire.
When you are trying to make something happen there is a contraction. We become fixated on the outcome instead of being open and willing to allow the process to unfold. We get stuck- stagnant.
Surrender is finesse. It is loosening the grip enough to let things happen naturally and at the right pace. It requires that we let go of our attachment to the outcome. It requires that we be open to something different- maybe even something better than we could have imagined on our own.
In sex there is nothing more detrimental than this kind of contraction. We tend to contract to avoid feeling. We are afraid to feel out of control. In an orgasmic state we lose control, that is partly why it feels so good. Unfortunately that is also why so many women are not able to orgasm or feel very little in sexual or sensual encounters. On the other side of this contraction, which can feel tight, hot, angry, and terrifying there is a cool, calm, open sense of suspension in which we are totally safe and held.
When it comes to freedom on the dance floor, (especially when moving sensually) it is imperative that we let go of our idea of what it should look like and surrender to what our bodies are asking for. The minute we begin to clamp down or try to make our bodies move a certain way it becomes a battle. Authentic sensual movement requires that we surrender to our pleasure, we surrender to the container of the music guiding us and surrender to the creative life-force that is looking for a channel to express itself through us.
Our dance practice is a mirror for our life. How we show up on the dance floor is how we show up in life and vise-vera.
Fortunately life is constantly giving us opportunities to practice the art of surrendering.
It can be inconvenient and frankly terrifying, but when we can surrender to what is and let go of our attachment to the outcome it can be an exhilarating moment of endless possibility. If we surrender to what is, we can create room for something new, and often something better. On the other hand, if we dig our heels in the mud and hold tight to our current reality, we will most likely end up feeling trapped, tight, angry, hopeless, fearful and at war with our selves.
I believe movement is medicine. Sensual movement can be especially confronting for us and that makes it an excellent opportunity to practice the art of surrender. Like all practices, it is bit by bit. Even after a lifetime of dancing I find myself stuck at times, in a place of contraction- but if I just continue, keep moving forward, keep being curious and continuously surrender to my body's desire, I will inevitably find flow and freedom. It happens when I stop trying.
When I let go of the forcing or agenda. Then, because I have viscerally felt what it feels like to surrender, it becomes easier to do it in all areas of life. It creates a baseline of felt experience which the body remembers.
I invite you to take this on over the next month. Where can you let go a little? Where are you holding tight? If you are in a big transition or a lot is shifting in your life, what does it feel like to let go of needing to know what's going to happen? When you do try it out, what does that feel like? What do you notice? What is new? Do you feel lighter?
Let me know what your experience is!